Usually when people find out that I perform standup comedy they want to know about hecklers. How frequent are they? How bad are they? What do I do to them? Afterwards, where do I hide the bodies? Actually, heckling isn’t much of a problem. Audiences want you to be entertaining. They’re rooting for you to read more
My Lurking Hobby
May 10, 2012 – 12:13 am
Hobbies should be both fun and challenging. Take mine, for instance: I like to sneak into other people’s photos and discreetly display Disney villain expressions. Eventually I plan to take the pictures which aren’t angrily deleted and compile them into a coffee table book called A Life of Lurking. Lurking at a Christmas Reception Lurking at a read more
I’m Doing Yoga Now
May 2, 2012 – 10:35 am
Last week I started physical therapy for chronic clinical uptightness. There’s an actual medical term for this disorder, but the jargon basically boils down to my insides being so wound up that a skilled violinist could work out a concerto on my perineum if they tried hard enough. After my first physical therapy session we discussed what read more
Review: White House Correspondents Dinner
April 30, 2012 – 1:00 pm
Maybe next year the White House will be kind enough to invite me to their hoity-toity dinner instead of forcing me to make a review on YouTube.
“Insipidity”
April 26, 2012 – 2:34 am
Okay, one more poem by Elas Giordano. I don’t care what you people think, that man is hilarious. It takes a genius to make something funny and beautiful at the same time.
Wings Up, Rings Off: The Secret Service Debacle
April 24, 2012 – 2:13 am
Every day more evidence is unearthed that the Secret Service is by far the sexiest government agency in America. More fun than even a GSA conference, but not quite as fun as your average French comptroller’s office. Going back to a 2002 U.S. News and World Report, elements of the Secret Service come off like read more
“Love is Only A Double Negative”
April 19, 2012 – 12:12 am
April is Poetry Month, so I thought it apropos to do a reading. Which is difficult, as I don’t particularly like poetry. If you’re going to slap pretty words together you should either learn to play a guitar or arrange them into paragraph form, like Pat Conroy. My rubric doesn’t leave much leeway for read more
Hologram Celebrities
April 17, 2012 – 1:52 pm
If you’re like me you’ve heard the name “Tupac” dozens of times, and always assumed it was some sort of political action committee. It turns out that Tupac is actually the name of a gangsta-cum-rapper, who may or may not have died in 1996. There is some debate as to whether or not he actually read more
Congressional Districting as Rorschach Tests
April 12, 2012 – 12:01 am
As of last week 80.2% of America disapproved of Congress. To put that in perspective, if America had an up-or-down vote on whether or not to disband Congress in favor of relegating decisions to a Magic 8-Ball, representatives would spend the next year arguing about who gets the position of National 8-Ball Shaker. Yet we read more
Titanic is an AWFUL Movie
April 10, 2012 – 12:01 am
Titanic, the highest-grossing film of all time, has been resurrected on the silver screen. I had not seen the film in over a decade until this weekend, when I watched it with friends. Overall I enjoyed it a lot more before I hit puberty. If you have ever paid income tax or seriously analyzed a read more
Exploring Southeast Washington
April 5, 2012 – 11:28 pm
Between not posting a travel article in a while and getting a new phone with a video camera built inside, I felt compelled to go exploring. Not too far– I live in Southeast DC. The footage is jittery and the sound quality is horrific, but overall I’m impressed that my mobile phone can do read more
Pranks Mean “I Love You”
April 3, 2012 – 11:40 am
All of the best holidays go on long past their actual calendar date. Christmas trees stick around until June, and isn’t the best trick-or-treating done on a crisp February dawn? April Fool’s is no exception, so below find some classic pranks which your co-workers, friends, spouses and fellow gang members will find endearing. Note that read more
Morning People
March 30, 2012 – 12:15 am
Night owls often get a bad rap in our culture. If you stay awake until three o’clock in the morning and then sleep in until ten the following day, a lot of people will only hear the “slept in until ten.” So far as they are concerned you probably sleep sixteen hours a day. But read more
The Chuck Norris Dollar
March 27, 2012 – 12:04 am
Washington DC is probably the only city in America that has advertisements on billboards battling out whether or not to scrap $1 bills in favor of $1 coins. I’m on the coin side of things. You may recall that we tried out dollar coins a few years back. We tested out Susan B. Anthony dollars, read more
The Fifties Weren’t The Pinnacle of Mankind
March 22, 2012 – 11:10 pm
I wonder if, at middle age and thereafter, my generation will wax nostalgic about the 1980′s the same way Baby Boomers do about the 1950′s. The near-end of the twentieth century had its perks: interesting synthesizer music, kickass films, the fall of the Berlin Wall and a Britain ruled by the iron claw of Margaret read more
Dodging Peer Pressure/Hangovers
March 19, 2012 – 12:05 am
If you’re as social as I am, avoiding hangovers is a proactive pastime, not just the absence of drunkenness. You might be comfortable with a drink or two, but your friends want you to get recklessly loaded. To avoid waking up with a hangover due to excess fun I’ve developed a few rules which I read more
Grover Norquist Interview
March 15, 2012 – 1:08 am
Say what you will about Grover Norquist, the mega lobbyist was incredibly accommodating in his Cloture Club exclusive. Not only did he play along with my jokes, he also taught me how to juggle. This was a fun interview. We’ve got a couple lined up in the near future, and I’m looking forward to more after read more
The Pitfalls of Student Council
March 13, 2012 – 12:01 am
Sometimes I wonder if high school student councils hurt democracy. I know that many of my readers are Type A personalities who valiantly served their country by holding office for an entire year as Sophomore Class Treasurer. I fall into that category myself. My problem isn’t the existence of high school student councils, it’s that read more
Acknowledging Problems on Facebook
March 8, 2012 – 12:27 pm
A couple of years ago whilst perusing Facebook I “liked” a friend’s suggestion to eradicate malaria. I did not know what “liking” the group would do, but I assumed as many people do that if a billion folks agreed to hate malaria, the virus would shame itself out of existence. Or perhaps Facebook would notice read more
Standup Clip: Mobile Phone Horror
March 6, 2012 – 11:12 am
A joke about the supremacy of technology in our lives. I’m on track to developing solid Facebook jokes sometime next year.
