Two Minutes Hate

This time around on Two Minutes Hate we were pressed for time, compelling me to speed through things as best I could. I’m also working on my introductory “glowering” face. Props to the editors working on The Independents, for their highly apropos double screen, representing Kennedy’s “split personalities” towards the end.   http://video.foxbusiness.com/v/3425406465001/2-minutes-of-hate/#sp=show-clips &nbspAndrew Heaton read more »

The Economics of House of Cards

My God I love House of Cards. Washington intrigue, scheming, public choice theory–it’s got everything. My one major criticism of the series is that I think it gives politicians too much credit for competency in general. Very few of them are as evil and conniving as Frank Underwood, but then not many are as effectual, read more »

Two Minutes Hate

Ah, Two Minutes Hate, that bittersweet segment which is apparently the least favorite time for Kennedy’s mom. But where we hear true poetry from the twittersphere, irate emailers, and the Reason.com message board. My two favorites in this addition are the reference to a “Ritalin enema,” and the one about earrings, booze and pep pills. read more »

The Economics of Dallas Buyers Club

Recently a badass film company in Austin, called Emergent Order, asked me to host EconPop: a webseries about finding the economics in popular culture, then making it funny. I have a blast making these, and look forward to finding more. In our inaugural episode we explore Dallas Buyers Club. It’s no small feat to make AIDS and read more »

Atomic Nuns & Kate Upton’s Space Boobs

There are three important news stories which have received inadequate attention this week: atomic nuns, glow-in-the-dark reindeer, and Kate Upton’s space boobs. On Tuesday nuns were sentenced for breaking into a nuclear power plant in Knoxville, TN. Three holy sisters managed to break through a series of chain-link fences around a nuclear facility to spray paint protest read more »

Two Minutes Hate – Bernie and Marital Counseling

In this installment of Two Minutes Hate I try to flush out the Bernie Maxsmith character a bit more, by subtly intimating domestic troubles with his wife Judy, as well as slipping in a joke about impotence. While I thought it was pretty funny to put the Bernie character through marital counseling, it’s important for read more »

Go Home, Winter. You’re Drunk.

I am just about to write a letter to Congress demanding that they turn off this winter nonsense. Today is New York City’s fourteenth snow storm this season, giving us seventeen days of measurable snowfall. The problem, as I see it, is that snow is the greatest thing in the entire planet if you’re a school kid read more »

Laughter is Better Than Communism

My book of political satire and cartoons is now available in ebook form, so you should download it to correct all of the half-baked propaganda you absorbed in college. I originally launched my collection of essays and cartoons in July, to uproarious laughter and critical delight. But several readers emailed me asking about an ebook read more »

Danish Zoo Shoots Giraffe and Feeds It to Lion in Front of Kids

  Danish Zoos are apparently a lot more gruesome than American ones are, based on the fact that this week the Copenhagan Zoo shot a giraffe in the head with a bolt gun and then fed it to a lion–in front of school children. It makes you wonder about whoever the Assistant Director of Giraffes read more »

Two Minutes Hate

Yet another installment of Two Minutes Hate, wherein my character, Bernie Maxsmith, reads eviscerating viewer hate mail to the hosts of The Independents. The hardest part of this entire thing is not smiling. As time goes on, I would like to add more depth to my glowering. It’s important to keep challenging yourself as an actor read more »

How to Use Pandora to Settle Domestic Disputes.

We’ve had two get-togethers at our apartment recently, which meant organizing music and booze, then wrangling all of the cheap plastic lobsters I’ve decorated the apartment with. The “music” aspect is a lot more complicated than you might think. “Everybody love’s music,” you say. That’s true. A lot of people don’t like math, but very read more »

Two Minutes of Hate

One of the great things about The Independents (the television show I write for) is that we’re so supremely confident and good-humored that we now find it funny to read viewers’ hate mail on air. There’s a certain poetry to angry letters; they can be hilariously eviscerating, like a Friar’s Club Roast, or amusingly incoherent, read more »

Gardening with Shotguns

If you think gardening is boring, that’s only because you’re too stupid to incorporate firearms into it. That’s exactly what a startup company called Flower Shell is doing: using shotgun technology to discharge seeds into the soil. Let’s just reflect on how brilliant Flower Shell is for a moment. First, have you ever been planting read more »

Bathtub Lobsters Say “I Miss You”

If you want to be a really high-quality boyfriend, the kind who is guaranteed an Aa1 credit rating by Moody’s, you should surprise your girlfriend with a gift when she comes back from vacation. This year I chose fake lobsters. Some disingenuous men will tell you that flowers are the way to go. These men read more »

Novel: Frank Got Abducted

I’ve just launched Frank Got Abducted, a novel about everything funny involving alien abductions in America’s heartland. Want to learn what crop circles are all about? I explain that. Cattle mutilations? Check! Alien probing? Double check! I even cover why aliens would travel halfway across the galaxy just to give farmers a colonoscopy. What’s more, there are read more »

I Survived Until Thirty! Huzzah!

I’m thirty now, which means that a quarter of my life is over.  I’m pretty stoked. I have a wonderful girlfriend, a new and awesome job as writer on television, and friends who swear they will never turn me in. Tomorrow I’m launching my first novel, a funny sci-fi about alien abductions. My advice: try read more »

The Prince and I

Happy New Year, friends and neighbors! I hope your New Year’s Eve was as good as mine. (Pro tip: eat an entire pizza by yourself, pass out for an hour, then start drinking other people’s booze. You spend about $7 and you wake up with no hangover!) The big news for today is that I’ve been read more »

Good King Wenceslas, Savior of the Poor

Merry Christmas, everyone! This year the very talented and felonious Andrew Young and I teamed up with Adam Young to illustrate our annual yuletide YouTube video. Thus we give you, “Good King Wenceslas, Savior of the Poor.” Chalk full of jazz, holiday spirit, animated cartoons, and horror.   &nbspAndrew Heaton is a writer and standup read more »

Cupid of the Year

Recently an armed Romeo from the great state of Georgia met and somehow wooed his girlfriend by inadvertently shooting her. According to The Week, Matthew Webber was out hunting and mistook a lady in the woods as a deer. Then shot her. Later, she woke up to find him by her bedside, where he confessed read more »

Steal Tacos at Swordpoint

One of the better headlines this week comes from San Antonio, TX: “Texan Arrested for Brandishing Sword, Demanding Tacos.” That’s right! In a state where even toddlers carry guns, some jackass decided to go full-throttle 1500 with a sword. To steal tacos. We do not yet know all of the facts regarding this case, because read more »