Tag Archives: Weddings

The first robot wedding, and a Robot Poetry Turing Test

Robots are getting married in Japan, and a top university is combining poetry with ye old Turing Test. So I’ll prove that good ‘ol human poetry is better, more soulful, and less fattening than robot poetry. Also featured: cameos from animatronic American presidents speaking from Disney World. Andrew Heaton is a writer and standup comedian read more »

I Can Now Legally Conduct Marriage Ceremonies

Recently some friends of mine asked me to officiate at their wedding. This means that as they officially launch their joint life together, with children and shared checking and what not, they want me to be the guy who hits the cosmic button and says “I now pronounce you man and wife.” At this point read more »

Ushering at Weddings is like Playing Tetris

I recently ushered at a wedding. If you haven’t been on the staff side of a wedding ceremony before, ushers are effectively nuptial sheepdogs. It’s our job to escort people down the isle and seat them in pews, and to do so efficiently enough that the attendant congregation can fit into the chapel. This involves read more »

My Friends are Marrying at an Alarming Rate

Depending on what culture you’re born into your peers will marry en masse at different intervals during life. In northern Europe, for instance, you only get married if you’ve decided to take on a mortgage and require someone else’s help to fill out all the paperwork. In France anybody who’s anybody has a mistress, which read more »

The Royal Wedding

For reasons unanswered the British document the lives of their royal family through commemorative plates. What they do with these plates is a mystery— I’ve seen them in antique shops and grocery stores, yet I don’t recall ever spotting a single commemorative plate in someone’s home. I think perhaps Britons buy them, then stash them read more »

The 250 Miles Up Club

One great thing about getting to meet the crew of the space shuttle Endeavour is that for the first time in my life I used the phrase “Commander, can I get your autograph?” while not wearing a Star Trek uniform. For someone who spent his formative summers in a blue jumpsuit at Space Camp, meeting an astronaut read more »