Tag Archives: Washington DC

I Can Now Legally Conduct Marriage Ceremonies

Recently some friends of mine asked me to officiate at their wedding. This means that as they officially launch their joint life together, with children and shared checking and what not, they want me to be the guy who hits the cosmic button and says “I now pronounce you man and wife.” At this point read more »

Kevin Halligen: Best or Worst Fake Spy Ever?

So here’s something interesting. This fellow, Kevin Halligen, just spent the better part of a decade duping everybody in the Beltway into believing he was a British spy. “Washington’s intelligence elite — Pentagon officials, influential lawyers and lobbyists, former CIA operatives” all fell into his brilliant plot to convince them of his espionage career. Then read more »

How to Be a Kickass Segway Tour Guide

For my sins I am a Segway tour guide. It beats temp work, and I look more regal and august on such machines than if I had a desk job. Rather like Caesar addressing his legions, though now that I’m wearing shorts I suppose I look more like a stork balancing on a treadmill. When read more »

Exploring Southeast Washington

[youtube width=”600px” height=”400px”]sHCZU7PAlao[/youtube]   Between not posting a travel article in a while and getting a new phone with a video camera built inside, I felt compelled to go exploring. Not too far– I live in Southeast DC. The footage is jittery and the sound quality is horrific, but overall I’m impressed that my mobile read more »

I Might Kidnap a Dog

There is a neighborhood in Washington DC called Eastern Market, renowned for its weekend grocers and street vendors peddling furniture and paintings. It is quaint and pedestrian, and serves as a sort of catwalk for young couples wanting to show off their toddlers or dogs. Dogs are popular in Washington. Cramming a million career-focused Type read more »

Housing Prices & Cost of Living Adjustment

Yesterday I returned to Washington. The cost of everything skyrocketed the moment our plane smacked tarmac, so later tonight I will resume skulking the streets of Georgetown clutching a scalpel and bottle of ether to try and eek out my Netflicks subscription through pilfered kidneys. My last article used beer as a microcosm for determining read more »

Beer Prices & Cost of Living Adjustment

As I have detected no correlation whatsoever between living in Washington DC and actually obtaining a job in Washington DC, I decided to extend my holiday visit in Oklahoma by a week. This afforded me the opportunity to spend quality time with friends and tornadoes, to hit on girls less immediately put-off by my “career” read more »

Washington Socialite Insider

[youtube width=”600px” height=”400px”]EL_An3eGFPg[/youtube]   Clotureclub.com, a popular Washington networking and events website, has taken me on as a field correspondent for their Beltway social coverage. What does this mean? Probably some really kickass parties in 2012. If you live in Washington you’ll be getting the inside scoop on cool shindigs. If you’re outwith Washington, you read more »

The Pentagon

Here are some interesting facts about the Pentagon: FDR did not originally intend for the Pentagon to be a permanent military structure. The idea was that, at the completion of World War II, the edifice would be turned into a records building. Boy was that guy wrong! Today our military actually has more generals than read more »

Fire Department Ride Along

It is seven o’clock in the morning and I’m blurry-eyed and wearing a fire helmet. Normally this is evidence of a kickin’ party, but in tonight’s case it’s not. I am at a fire station. I slept here. The previous evening began at five o’clock when I showed up to Washington DC’s Engine Six Company. read more »

Fembots Among Us

Drinking at L2, a tony Georgetown club, is sipping martinis in a time machine zipping forward. It is beyond posh. A sleek and glamorous world of fashionistas and cocktails, tucked away in a Washington alley. It also might be where fembots are built. I do not know what “L2″ stands for, nor do I need read more »

The East Wing

I’m glad I attended the White House tour, but it’s evident that the Visitors Services department is run jointly by paranoid CIA operatives and the American Society of Boring Plateware Collectibles. The White House has three basic structural components to it: The West Wing (which gained notoriety through a television show of the same name), read more »

Icelandic Dinner & The Cod Wars

Yet another great feature of iPhones is that you can scope out wikipedia while at a bar after work, allowing you to seem intelligent and well-informed upon meeting an ambassador half an hour later. I did an independent study on Vikings while in college, but was worried something major might have happened in Icelandic affairs read more »

The Highest Court in the Land

We speculated as to whether or not the fireplace behind the podium might spontaneously burst into flame when Justice Scalia entered, along with a few alternate theories involving trumpets. The other interns chattered nervously in the looming sobriety of the Red Chamber, adorned with wood paneling and portraits of Chief Justices deceased. On my left, read more »

Loud Man on Campus

While interning in the District of Columbia I live at Gallaudet University, a proud institution of higher learning established for deaf students in 1864. I live on the top floor of Carlin Hall, which is certainly the best vantage point on campus because there’s a reflecting pool out front where baby ducks hang out. Every read more »