Tag Archives: Sports

Stop Subsidizing Sports!

  Let’s talk about “sports”—that thing where we gather around to watch a muscular stranger put a regulation-size ball in a specific location. Why are taxpayers forced to pony up cash for athletic ventures that don’t benefit them? Franchise owners routinely extort massive stadium subsidies through threats of relocation and fake promises of economic revitalization. read more »

How to Improve the Olympics

Below are my suggestions for dramatically improving the Summer Olympics, which primarily involve paintball guns, nudity, and kangaroos. 1. Create Competitive Paintballing Which would you rather watch: languid synchronized swimming, or national teams simulating open warfare in a big field with automatic weapons? Competitive paintball would be the ultimate Olympic sport, because most sports are read more »

What Life is Like if you Don’t Like Football

Most of you enjoy American football. I don’t much care for it much, and that makes life difficult. Football is a pastime, language, tribe and religion all rolled up into one, and my inability to remotely care about it whatsoever severely handicaps me socially. It’s also incredibly irritating, because it’s obnoxiously loud and ever-present. Hard to read more »