Tag Archives: Space

Atomic Nuns & Kate Upton’s Space Boobs

There are three important news stories which have received inadequate attention this week: atomic nuns, glow-in-the-dark reindeer, and Kate Upton’s space boobs. On Tuesday nuns were sentenced for breaking into a nuclear power plant in Knoxville, TN. Three holy sisters managed to break through a series of chain-link fences around a nuclear facility to spray paint protest read more »

It’s Time to Build a Moon Base

It’s ridiculous that we’re already twelve years into the new millennium and I’m sitting here on Earth like a sucker. Surely you feel the same way. Do you not feel constrained by oppressive Earth gravity each time you leap up and down on your roommate’s bed? Here on Earth my roommate is apt to whine read more »

Aliens Aren’t Visiting Earth

Using the most conservative estimate possible, I calculated that there are at least 1.75 trillion other planets in the universe. If we use a moderate (and more likely estimate) there are upwards of 45 trillion planets. (Science wonks are welcome to e-mail me better figures. I will probably stand by my position that the number read more »

The 250 Miles Up Club

One great thing about getting to meet the crew of the space shuttle Endeavour is that for the first time in my life I used the phrase “Commander, can I get your autograph?” while not wearing a Star Trek uniform. For someone who spent his formative summers in a blue jumpsuit at Space Camp, meeting an astronaut read more »

Legalize Pot, Sterilize Potheads

I have a brilliant plan that will save tax dollars, please hippies, increase tax revenue, kidney-punch organized crime, and significantly shorten lines at the grocery store. We legalize marijuana, tax the hell out of it, and then add a lot of sterility drugs. Every voting demographic can find something to love about this plan. Legal read more »