Tag Archives: Space

Scientists Create first “Space Nation”

This week an international consortium of scientists announced the creation of Asgardia, a new “space nation.” The idea behind it is to create a country (in space) which shoots down asteroids and space debris which might otherwise hurt Earth–even Oklahoma! The Asgardians have plans to put up a satellite in 2017 and, eventually, build space read more »

Elon Musk and the Mission to Mars

The billionaire behind Tesla Motors is fully committed to getting mankind to Mars, and intends to die there himself (though not on impact). His ambitious plan involves building a BFR (literally “big fucking rocket”) that’s reusable for multiple trips. Rockets are presently single-use, which makes them vastly inefficient and costly. He plans to build a ship capable of transporting 100 people per load, read more »

Swedes Urge NASA to Send Condoms into Space

Our Scandinavian friends over at the Swedish Association for Sexuality Education (note to self: ask for personalized tour of facilities on next trip to Europe) are urging NASA to include a pack of condoms in whatever rocket we next fire into orbit. This is because, obviously, if aliens ever swing by Earth and decide to read more »

Space Travel Screws up Astronauts’ Eyesight

We’re all clamoring to get into zero-g to hang out with cosmonauts and Kate Upton. But did you know interstellar travel hurts your peepers? Apparently so. Astronaut John Phillips went up to the International Space Station with 20/20 vision but came back to Earth unable to focus clearly. The back of his eyes got flatter, read more »

Atomic Nuns & Kate Upton’s Space Boobs

There are three important news stories which have received inadequate attention this week: atomic nuns, glow-in-the-dark reindeer, and Kate Upton’s space boobs. On Tuesday nuns were sentenced for breaking into a nuclear power plant in Knoxville, TN. Three holy sisters managed to break through a series of chain-link fences around a nuclear facility to spray paint protest read more »

It’s Time to Build a Moon Base

It’s ridiculous that we’re already twelve years into the new millennium and I’m sitting here on Earth like a sucker. Surely you feel the same way. Do you not feel constrained by oppressive Earth gravity each time you leap up and down on your roommate’s bed? Here on Earth my roommate is apt to whine read more »

Aliens Aren’t Visiting Earth

Using the most conservative estimate possible, I calculated that there are at least 1.75 trillion other planets in the universe. If we use a moderate (and more likely estimate) there are upwards of 45 trillion planets. (Science wonks are welcome to e-mail me better figures. I will probably stand by my position that the number read more »

The 250 Miles Up Club

One great thing about getting to meet the crew of the space shuttle Endeavour is that for the first time in my life I used the phrase “Commander, can I get your autograph?” while not wearing a Star Trek uniform. For someone who spent his formative summers in a blue jumpsuit at Space Camp, meeting an astronaut read more »

Legalize Pot, Sterilize Potheads

I have a brilliant plan that will save tax dollars, please hippies, increase tax revenue, kidney-punch organized crime, and significantly shorten lines at the grocery store. We legalize marijuana, tax the hell out of it, and then add a lot of sterility drugs. Every voting demographic can find something to love about this plan. Legal read more »