Most other countries are not America. Yet. The curious reader might ask, “How do all these non-American countries go about celebrating Christmas, then? Also do these countries have oil we can take?” Presumably all the peoples of the world celebrate Christmas in their own and lesser ways. In India, for instance, they call Christmas “Pancha read more
Tag Archives: Holidays
The Greatest Time in All of Human History
November 22, 2012 – 12:05 am
This Thanksgiving, when you are slumped over in a rocking chair trying to sweat out your triptofin and wine, consider this: right now is the best time in all of human history. Yes, there is a recession. I am very aware of that, preternaturally so, in fact. Yet even with our slumping economy, this century read more
Bastille Day
July 16, 2012 – 11:27 pm
Saturday I celebrated Bastille Day by eating snails, sipping a glass of Pinot and sprinting away whenever I spotted a German. July 14th is Bastille Day, the feted national holiday of our friends and allies the French. Why they celebrate Bastille Day is actually something of a mystery to me. As you’ll recall from high read more
Pranks Mean “I Love You”
April 3, 2012 – 11:40 am
All of the best holidays go on long past their actual calendar date. Christmas trees stick around until June, and isn’t the best trick-or-treating done on a crisp February dawn? April Fool’s is no exception, so below find some classic pranks which your co-workers, friends, spouses and fellow gang members will find endearing. Note that read more
Teddy Roosevelt Didn’t Exist (and Other Interesting Presidential Facts)
February 20, 2012 – 8:12 pm
Normally for Presidents’ Day I dress up like Abraham Lincoln and wait outside Ford’s Theater with a hip flask trying to start fights with Southerners. Unfortunately this year I left my Lincoln costume in Oklahoma, and so celebrated in a less flashy capacity: learning. I spent today researching America’s various presidents, and herewith share with you some read more
St. Darwin Day
February 12, 2012 – 12:30 pm
Today is Charles Darwin’s 203rd birthday, so I wish to extend holiday greetings to any devout atheists or agnostics planning to attend services. There are services, incidentally. They’re called “Phylum Feasts,” and hearken back to Darwin’s days at Cambridge where he and like-minded members of the Gourmet Club met weekly to devour whatever novel read more
Burns Suppers: Kilt, Dancing & Murder Etiquette
January 25, 2012 – 2:20 pm
Today Scots celebrate Burns Night, their most prominent and least violent national holiday. If you’re visiting Scotland or have Scottish ex-pat neighbors, you may be invited to a Burns Supper. If that’s the case, it’s imperative you know proper kilt, dancing and murder etiquette. Pay attention, because kilts come with a little knife which the read more
Washington Socialite Insider
December 31, 2011 – 11:15 am
Clotureclub.com, a popular Washington networking and events website, has taken me on as a field correspondent for their Beltway social coverage. What does this mean? Probably some really kickass parties in 2012. If you live in Washington you’ll be getting the inside scoop on cool shindigs. If you’re outwith Washington, you should encourage me read more
Heaton & Young YouTube Christmas Special
December 25, 2011 – 2:26 am
Merry Christmas everyone! Mr. Young and I didn’t get around to sending out Christmas cards this year, so we recorded a holly jolly YouTube yuletide Christmas video instead. Enjoy! “White Christmas” – Words & Music by Irving Berlin (With Embellishments) Music Arranged & Performed by Andrew Young All Vocals Performed by Andrew Heaton & read more
Apocalyptmas
December 22, 2011 – 6:00 am
Christmas gift giving in the Heaton family is built upon two eternal pillars: flashlights and objects useful in the event of the apocalypse. Only recently have we begun to deviate from hand-held light sources and survival equipment. To clarify, within our own little nuclear family, Christmas morning’s haul is diverse. Much like your own family, read more
Don’t Mess with Clan McBastard
December 2, 2011 – 10:05 am
I fancy myself something of an Associate Scot: I’ve drank enough single malt to drown a family of horses, I’ve snuck into a castle, twice lived in Edinburgh, and even dated some Scottish women. Briefly. Combined with a gang of close friends who took it upon themselves to adopt me and teach me the ways read more
Happy Thanksgiving & Corn Subsidies
November 24, 2011 – 6:00 am
Here is a three-minute animated cartoon I made last night about the first Thanksgiving, which somehow devolved into a lengthy critique of corn subsidies and Puritan theology. You can watch this today as you drift off into a delightful stupor of wine and tryptophan, the middle class equivalent of a free Valium prescription. Happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy!
I’m an Adult Now Gimme Candy
November 4, 2011 – 8:59 am
You’ll be happy to know that you can continue trick-or-treating indefinitely, so long as you greet each household with “I’m hypoglycemic and my blood sugar is low.” You might worry that one of your neighbors will be a nutritionist and may involuntarily stab you with an insulin needle right there at the door. This is read more
Shrove Tuesday
March 8, 2011 – 12:27 am
In Britain we celebrate Shrove Tuesday, which is when British people prepare themselves for other people doing Lent by eating pancakes. Kate and Ben made pancakes but I don’t know how, so instead I made my special “whisky syrup” out of brown sugar and whisky.
Saturday Night of the Undead
October 29, 2009 – 7:43 pm
Halloween came a week early at the second annual Silver Spring Zombie Walk, wherein undead enthusiasts from the DC area congregated in Maryland before proudly shuffling through a strip of restaurants and towards a movie theater to watch Shaun of the Dead. Corpses at the front of the parade were more of the Romero persuasion, careening read more
