Tag Archives: Holidays

The Prince and I

Happy New Year, friends and neighbors! I hope your New Year’s Eve was as good as mine. (Pro tip: eat an entire pizza by yourself, pass out for an hour, then start drinking other people’s booze. You spend about $7 and you wake up with no hangover!) The big news for today is that I’ve been read more »

Good King Wenceslas, Savior of the Poor

Merry Christmas, everyone! This year the very talented and felonious Andrew Young and I teamed up with Adam Young to illustrate our annual yuletide YouTube video. Thus we give you, “Good King Wenceslas, Savior of the Poor.” Chalk full of jazz, holiday spirit, animated cartoons, and horror.   &nbspAndrew Heaton is a writer and standup read more »

Attack Beavers & Thanksgiving

We didn’t force Naomi to eat a turkey, but we considered making her shoot one. She is a vegetarian for health reasons, so my brother and I supposed that it would be fine to take her bow hunting down by the creek so long as we spared her from gnawing on whatever game she managed read more »

Santa Clause Around the World

Most other countries are not America. Yet. The curious reader might ask, “How do all these non-American countries go about celebrating Christmas, then? Also do these countries have oil we can take?” Presumably all the peoples of the world celebrate Christmas in their own and lesser ways. In India, for instance, they call Christmas “Pancha read more »

The Greatest Time in All of Human History

This Thanksgiving, when you are slumped over in a rocking chair trying to sweat out your triptofin and wine, consider this: right now is the best time in all of human history. Yes, there is a recession. I am very aware of that, preternaturally so, in fact. Yet even with our slumping economy, this century read more »

Bastille Day

Saturday I celebrated Bastille Day by eating snails, sipping a glass of Pinot and sprinting away whenever I spotted a German. July 14th is Bastille Day, the feted national holiday of our friends and allies the French. Why they celebrate Bastille Day is actually something of a mystery to me. As you’ll recall from high read more »

Pranks Mean “I Love You”

All of the best holidays go on long past their actual calendar date. Christmas trees stick around until June, and isn’t the best trick-or-treating done on a crisp February dawn? April Fool’s is no exception, so below find some classic pranks which your co-workers, friends, spouses and fellow gang members will find endearing. Note that read more »

Teddy Roosevelt Didn’t Exist (and Other Interesting Presidential Facts)

Normally for Presidents’ Day I dress up like Abraham Lincoln and wait outside Ford’s Theater with a hip flask trying to start fights with Southerners. Unfortunately this year I left my Lincoln costume in Oklahoma, and so celebrated in a less flashy capacity: learning. I spent today researching America’s various presidents, and herewith share with you some read more »

St. Darwin Day

  Today is Charles Darwin’s 203rd birthday, so I wish to extend holiday greetings to any devout atheists or agnostics planning to attend services. There are services, incidentally. They’re called “Phylum Feasts,” and hearken back to Darwin’s days at Cambridge where he and like-minded members of the Gourmet Club met weekly to devour whatever novel read more »

Burns Suppers: Kilt, Dancing & Murder Etiquette

Today Scots celebrate Burns Night, their most prominent and least violent national holiday. If you’re visiting Scotland or have Scottish ex-pat neighbors, you may be invited to a Burns Supper. If that’s the case, it’s imperative you know proper kilt, dancing and murder etiquette. Pay attention, because kilts come with a little knife which the read more »

Washington Socialite Insider

  Clotureclub.com, a popular Washington networking and events website, has taken me on as a field correspondent for their Beltway social coverage. What does this mean? Probably some really kickass parties in 2012. If you live in Washington you’ll be getting the inside scoop on cool shindigs. If you’re outwith Washington, you should encourage me read more »

Heaton & Young YouTube Christmas Special

  Merry Christmas everyone! Mr. Young and I didn’t get around to sending out Christmas cards this year, so we recorded a holly jolly YouTube yuletide Christmas video instead. Enjoy! “White Christmas” – Words & Music by Irving Berlin (With Embellishments) Music Arranged & Performed by Andrew Young All Vocals Performed by Andrew Heaton & read more »

Apocalyptmas

Christmas gift giving in the Heaton family is built upon two eternal pillars: flashlights and objects useful in the event of the apocalypse. Only recently have we begun to deviate from hand-held light sources and survival equipment. To clarify, within our own little nuclear family, Christmas morning’s haul is diverse. Much like your own family, read more »

Don’t Mess with Clan McBastard

I fancy myself something of an Associate Scot: I’ve drank enough single malt to drown a family of horses, I’ve snuck into a castle, twice lived in Edinburgh, and even dated some Scottish women. Briefly. Combined with a gang of close friends who took it upon themselves to adopt me and teach me the ways read more »

Happy Thanksgiving & Corn Subsidies

Here is a three-minute animated cartoon I made last night about the first Thanksgiving, which somehow devolved into a lengthy critique of corn subsidies and Puritan theology. You can watch this today as you drift off into a delightful stupor of wine and tryptophan, the middle class equivalent of a free Valium prescription. Happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy! &nbspAndrew read more »

I’m an Adult Now Gimme Candy

You’ll be happy to know that you can continue trick-or-treating indefinitely, so long as you greet each household with “I’m hypoglycemic and my blood sugar is low.” You might worry that one of your neighbors will be a nutritionist and may involuntarily stab you with an insulin needle right there at the door. This is read more »

Shrove Tuesday

In Britain we celebrate Shrove Tuesday, which is when British people prepare themselves for other people doing Lent by eating pancakes. Kate and Ben made pancakes but I don’t know how, so instead I made my special “whisky syrup” out of brown sugar and whisky. &nbspAndrew Heaton is a writer and standup comedian in New read more »

Saturday Night of the Undead

Halloween came a week early at the second annual Silver Spring Zombie Walk, wherein undead enthusiasts from the DC area congregated in Maryland before proudly shuffling through a strip of restaurants and towards a movie theater to watch Shaun of the Dead. Corpses at the front of the parade were more of the Romero persuasion, careening read more »