Tag Archives: Guns

I Might Be on the FBI Watch List

I’d like to go ahead and clear up why I once delayed an international flight due to a misunderstanding about smuggling pistols. If you’re a regular reader do press on, but this post is primarily written for whichever federal investigator handles the yellow sticky notes in my file folder at the FBI headquarters. In 2004 read more »

Euphoria Girl Battles the Pink Robots

A few weeks ago Amanda, a MightyHeaton.com enthusiast and badass fellow blogger, made some snappy comments about my Pulitzer Prize-level cartooning abilities and pithy blog posts. In response I came up with a good superhero name for her and drew this picture of us fighting robots in the style of a Flaming Lips poster: This read more »

Exploring Southeast Washington

[youtube width=”600px” height=”400px”]sHCZU7PAlao[/youtube]   Between not posting a travel article in a while and getting a new phone with a video camera built inside, I felt compelled to go exploring. Not too far– I live in Southeast DC. The footage is jittery and the sound quality is horrific, but overall I’m impressed that my mobile read more »

Rick Perry: Candidate & Singing Cowboy!

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/3cfb0a72ef/rick-perry-candidate-singing-cowboy BEHOLD: Heaton & Young’s musical tribute to Rick Perry’s ill-fated bid for the American presidency. If you enjoy Broadway Musicals and witnessed any single candidate debate involving Rick Perry discussing anything whatsoever, then you will find this hilarious. Enjoy! Musical Tribute to the Rick Perry Campaign All Vocals Performed by Andrew Heaton & Andrew Young read more »

Army Range Day

Wednesday constituted the Greatest Lunch Break Ever because that was the day I got to leave my office to go shoot a pistol in the parking garage. Or, to be more specific, the Army allowed me to fire a pistol in the Police Firing Range underneath the parking garage. (I don’t want you thinking that read more »


Coney Island is a sort of nature preserve for fat, loud-mouthed New York stereotypes. Conjure thick Brooklyn accents and Bronx potbellies milling about on the beach, and you will have a fair approximate of the place. It’s a gritty network of carnival rides, questionable restaurants and colorful, independent businesses, all hugging a seaside boardwalk. I read more »

In Which he Wears a Passport

It took us only ten seconds to realize that the Crossroads of the West Gun Show was just the excuse we needed to make a road trip to San Francisco. I tried explaining the reasoning to friends, but usually failed. “We’re visiting the most liberal city in America to attend a gun show,” I would read more »

Thwarting the Vampire Castle

I realized only the night before that in less than a week Scotland would expel me like Coke through its nostrils after a really good punchline. My goal of achieving knighthood before returning to America’s heartland was in serious jeopardy. The best plan, I reasoned, was to achieve a more realistic goal. If I could read more »