Tag Archives: France

French Statue Gets Removable Wiener to Fight Thieves

A couple of weeks ago I made some disparaging comments about the French work ethic, which I must now absolutely backtrack on. Because France has become the world leader in detachable statue penises, in their Fight Against Statue Penis Thieves. A horrible phenomenon limited almost entirely to countries who have built escape tunnels to England. It seems in read more »

Bastille Day

Saturday I celebrated Bastille Day by eating snails, sipping a glass of Pinot and sprinting away whenever I spotted a German. July 14th is Bastille Day, the feted national holiday of our friends and allies the French. Why they celebrate Bastille Day is actually something of a mystery to me. As you’ll recall from high read more »

Versailles and the Pay Toilet of Doom

Versailles is overwhelming. Not because of its grandeur— because of its tourists. The place is exhausting due to the human traffic conjesting the entirety of its corridors. I guess I’m glad I saw the Hall of Mirrors and the Hercules Drawing room, but I enjoyed the gardens much more. Saying Versaille has a backyard is read more »

Skull Licking in the Parisian Catacombs

I kicked off things with Kelly by recognizing the tattoo on her shoulder from Picasso’s Guernica. Apparently most people just think it’s a funky bull head. I told her I have a huge Salvador Dali painting on my back, but recanted when she seemed impressed enough to want to see it. Here are some of read more »