Tag Archives: Dating

Bathtub Lobsters Say “I Miss You”

If you want to be a really high-quality boyfriend, the kind who is guaranteed an Aa1 credit rating by Moody’s, you should surprise your girlfriend with a gift when she comes back from vacation. This year I chose fake lobsters. Some disingenuous men will tell you that flowers are the way to go. These men read more »

I Might Kidnap a Dog

There is a neighborhood in Washington DC called Eastern Market, renowned for its weekend grocers and street vendors peddling furniture and paintings. It is quaint and pedestrian, and serves as a sort of catwalk for young couples wanting to show off their toddlers or dogs. Dogs are popular in Washington. Cramming a million career-focused Type read more »

Text or Call?

Last year in Scotland I managed to snag several girls’ phone numbers (thank you). Yet, strangely, a disproportionate amount of them never called me back. As a personal policy I only obtain phone numbers from women with a good sense of humor, because I’m afraid if I court girls with overly serious demeanors my personality read more »

Definitely Not-Angry Man seeks Hot Girlfriend

So you ask: “Why should I (you) contact you (me), as opposed to all these other guys on Craigslist?” Well, how about this for starters: I’ll bet I’m the ONLY man on here who has a Certificate of Completion from a court-mandated Anger Management Class. How many guys do you know who have a psychiatrist read more »

Struggling Alcoholic Helicopter Pilot seeks Relationship Co-Pilot!

How do I spell Romance? F-L-Y-I-N-G!  I’m a fun-lovin’ helicopter operator and I’m lookin’ for love! On the right side of thirty, six foot tall, slim build, blond hair. I tend to go for “reformed” party girls.  I got out of an unhealthy relationship about three years ago, and my Alcoholics Anonymous counselor thinks (and read more »

Al Gore look-alike seeks Tipper look-alike – 44 (The Valley)

Hello there. I look strikingly like Al Gore. I’ve recently gone through a divorce (we’re on good terms, it was a mutual decision) and I’m in the market for a new girlfriend. I’m not looking for a re-bound or a replacement mommy, just a sweetheart with which to have dinner, see movies, have “relations.” You read more »