Tag Archives: Craigslist Funny

Free: Fowl-Mouthed Parrot

From Craigslist: My Uncle Walt finally died and the stingy SOB left me with his stupid cussing parrot, while my sister SHARON gets his house. I don’t like the parrot because Uncle Walt taught it mostly racial epithets which I find distasteful. Or, more accurately, confusing. (The parrot hates “bog devils,” whatever they are.) He read more »

Montez Moves On

This week I had to find a new home for my pet fish, Montez, because I am moving and am afraid if I leave my fish with Evil Jim, my hitherto roommate, that he will try and brainwash the fish to hate me. Originally I planned to leave Montez’s bowl inside of a wicker basket read more »

Definitely Not-Angry Man seeks Hot Girlfriend

So you ask: “Why should I (you) contact you (me), as opposed to all these other guys on Craigslist?” Well, how about this for starters: I’ll bet I’m the ONLY man on here who has a Certificate of Completion from a court-mandated Anger Management Class. How many guys do you know who have a psychiatrist read more »

A Pup Tent Pitched for Two?

I just moved to Oklahoma to start a law degree, and before I hit the books this fall I’d like to spend some quality time with a quality gal. I’m tall dark and handsome, in my mid-twenties, and love to go camping, hiking, and generally anything that involves sleeping under the stars.  Or I did read more »

Struggling Alcoholic Helicopter Pilot seeks Relationship Co-Pilot!

How do I spell Romance? F-L-Y-I-N-G!  I’m a fun-lovin’ helicopter operator and I’m lookin’ for love! On the right side of thirty, six foot tall, slim build, blond hair. I tend to go for “reformed” party girls.  I got out of an unhealthy relationship about three years ago, and my Alcoholics Anonymous counselor thinks (and read more »

Super Intelligent Android seeks Self-Aware Robot

01000111 01110010 01100101 01100101 01110100 01101001 01101110 01100111 01110011 00101110 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100001 01101101 00100000 01001000 01100001 01110010 01101111 01101100 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01010010 01101111 01100010 01101111 01110100 00101110 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100101 01101110 01101010 01101111 01111001 00100000 01110000 01101100 01100001 01111001 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01010000 01101111 01101110 01100111 00101100 read more »

Just Because You’re In Witness Protection Doesn’t Mean we Can’t Be Friends

I’ve known you since third grade you asshole! I got your mom drunk and she said you’re hiding in Oklahoma. WTF, man? What kind of bullshit friend are you that I have to liquor up Debbie to figure out why you haven’t returned my calls? I guess your real “friends” are the federal investigators who read more »

Missing Many Plump Cats (Chinatown)

Respectful helloh. much sadness on account of gone beloved cats. desire very much to retrieve back pets, for happiness. more than twelve are have disappeared. you help? please contact me. i learning english at now, bad at describing. i give you directions to my restaraunt and you give cat there, happy reunion and eggrolls. please read more »

Former Billionaire Seeks Mate

Well the economy has brought me to this. Last year I was worth 2.4 billion dollars through what -was- a highly lucrative real estate company. All that dried up in November. Now I’m down to a measly 17 million. My wife has left me, my friends have deserted me, and all that’s left of the read more »

Free Downed Weather Balloon

Heyo, Over the weekend a weather balloon crashed in my yard. It’s about the size of a winebego and still has a lot of its original aluminum siding in tact, although you might have a tough time using it (I can’t cut or puncture the stuff, even with a blow torch.) Could probably be used read more »

EZ Clone

Dear Entrepreneur, I am writing in response to your 18 December Craigslist ad, “EZ Clone 120 – $350,” which reads: “I am moving out of my current house, and due to this am forced to sell this amazing system after only using it for one cycle!! EZ-CLONE is the next generation in cloning technology. With read more »

Dolphin Pump

Dear Vendor, I am writing in response to your 18 December Craigslist ad, “Dolphin Air Pumps… best price, guaranteed!” At the moment I have two Delphinus delphis, or “Short-Beaked Common Dolphins,” in the pool in my backyard. (I started out with three, but have since determined how to more accurately regulate the saline content of the water.) Nonetheless, my two read more »

Amish Survey

I’m a political science graduate student at Berkley and my thesis is about how technology affects shifting voting demographics. For the purposes of the study, I need fifty Amish people to fill out a quick multiple choice ten-question survey. If you are Amish and want to help me with my project, please e-mail me. Please read more »

Lost Sentimental Lottery Ticket

Earlier I dropped a lottery ticket in downtown Burbank and am trying to get it back, as the paper itself has a lot of sentimental value. The numbers on the ticket are 21 27 46 52 55 14. If you find the ticket, please contact me IMMEDIATELY. It’s very important that I get this ticket read more »


really good knife, easy to clean and VERY sharp (i am only getting rid of it because of some recent bad memories, the knfe itself is of fine quality and i think maybe is from cutco). if yur interested the knife is underneath the bench next to the womens restroom at hyde park. also there read more »

Al Gore look-alike seeks Tipper look-alike – 44 (The Valley)

Hello there. I look strikingly like Al Gore. I’ve recently gone through a divorce (we’re on good terms, it was a mutual decision) and I’m in the market for a new girlfriend. I’m not looking for a re-bound or a replacement mommy, just a sweetheart with which to have dinner, see movies, have “relations.” You read more »

I Will Take Your Excess Lab Monkeys

Joseph Robertson Jr., MD President OHSU 3181 SW Sam Jackson Park Rd. Portland, OR 97239-3098 Dear President Robertson, It has recently come to my attention that your university is employing monkeys in a series of tests researching the effects of nicotine on pregnant mothers. Like most Americans, the majority of my friends are in PETA, read more »

I Miss My Cat (Sherman Oaks)

I miss my cat. Chairman Meow is a brown mackeral tabby cat with big green eyes and white paws. I’ve seen him wandering around the Sepulveda Dam Preserve in the evenings, so if you see a big friendly tabby there it’s probably him. Please e-mail me if you have seen my cat. He has been read more »

Am I “hooked” on you? (Sherman Oaks)

I am an attractive former marine biologist looking for a casual but open-to-commitment relationship with a young woman who has a good sense of humor and a pretty face and can also open jars. Three years ago I got my hands bit off by a shark while scuba diving in the Antilles. Now I have read more »