Score another one for Scotch: if you drink enough of it distilleries give you plots of land! Very few drinking problems result in that sort of awards system. The Laphroig Distillery sent me the deed to a square foot of land some months ago, and I decided to track it down. In case you’re read more
Fraternity Life in Hindsight
October 4, 2012 – 12:05 am
The Greek System, composed of fraternities and sororities, functions as a campus Bilderberg Group at many American universities. While I was part of a fraternity, we never had much clout, as we were effectively the Kosovo of the Greek System. Our basement certainly had that second world, the-bombing-stopped-yesterday charm. Its decor consisted of graffiti on read more
Stateside Once More
October 2, 2012 – 1:26 pm
I’ve successfully returned to the New World without being stopped by Interpol or getting “inceptioned.” After a couple of phone calls and a playful death threat, I have wrested control of my blog from Evil Roommate Jim. Later this week my cartoonery and pithy writing will commence as per usual, along with an upcoming video read more
Jim Post: I am a great roommate
September 28, 2012 – 2:02 pm
Hey readers, Jim here. Heaton gave me his prorated rent before he left for Scotland. I figured since he was planning his move to New York, I should help him out. Here’s what I did with his rent check: So, I reached out to a self-storage place and signed a contract for Heaton. They were read more
Jim Post: The Other Side of the Prank War
September 24, 2012 – 11:56 am
“You are a patient, patient man. That is what I fear most about you, Jim.” – Andrew Heaton OK, readers. Andrew’s room mate Jim back again for the second of four posts to keep you occupied until your dear leader emerges from his Scottish Secret Bunker to dominate the internets with his libertarian humor. Last read more
Jim Post: Living with Mighty Heaton
September 20, 2012 – 10:32 am
Dear Reader of MightyHeaton.com — I am Jim Swift, Heaton’s roommate. Since Heaton has gone back to be funny in his ancestral dreamland, he asked me to come up with a few posts for you all to read until he comes back. And boy, do I have some doozies for you. We’ll start off slow read more
The Prank Detente is Threatened
September 18, 2012 – 12:57 am
Unfortunately Jim detected the security camera I bought within six hours of its installation. This is partly because my roommate is paranoid and doesn’t trust me as much as my innate integrity merits, but mostly because I purchased the cheapest possible camera, which extends past the cupboard by an inch like an ominous blinking tin read more
New Superhero Ideas
September 13, 2012 – 11:00 pm
I use standard conversation openers regularly, and one of them is “What kind of super power would you like to have?” You can see how people think with questions like that, which makes it more interesting and helpful than “What do you do?” Nearly everybody says “Flight” or “Reading minds.” After those two the most read more
Dissatisfied Superman
September 13, 2012 – 1:25 am
The video below is what I imagine I would be like if I were Superman. Contains swearing. Special thanks to Teresa and Newt!
Shark Attack Survivor Interview
August 17, 2012 – 8:36 am
This year for Shark Week I interviewed Al Brenekka, a man who got his arm bitten off by a shark in the 1970′s. Like most of us probably would, he turned his interests towards killing sharks out of revenge, but then after a struggle with a hammerhead, he changed his mind and became a read more
It’s Time to Build a Moon Base
August 15, 2012 – 1:53 am
It’s ridiculous that we’re already twelve years into the new millennium and I’m sitting here on Earth like a sucker. Surely you feel the same way. Do you not feel constrained by oppressive Earth gravity each time you leap up and down on your roommate’s bed? Here on Earth my roommate is apt to whine read more
Dan Boren: Outgoing Congressman Lets Loose
August 8, 2012 – 12:31 am
My exclusive with Congressman Dan Boren is by far the most fun interview I’ve ever conducted. Running rampant through the halls of Congress with an outgoing member? Pranking Dennis Kucinich? Awesome. The congressman, in a display of unrivaled glory, did five things he’s always wanted to do before leaving Congress. I hope to do read more
Sheriff Joe vs. Norway: Who Better Fixes Inmates?
August 6, 2012 – 2:32 am
I hope I never get arrested for any of my hilarious pranks, but if the day should come, the last place I’d like to be caught is in Phoenix, Arizona. Not just because of the heat and my aversion to the overuse of bland adobe houses. Because of the county’s judicial warlord, Sheriff Joe Arpaio. read more
How a Michael Phelps Captive Breeding Program can Further American-Chinese Relations
August 3, 2012 – 1:29 pm
As of this week Michael Phelps has won nineteen Olympic medals, making him the most decorated Olympic athlete in history. Acknowledging his superhuman swimming abilities, I propose that we declare Michael Phelps’ gonads a strategic national resource and begin harvesting and freezing his sperm for possible future use. The Phelps Sperm Bank would ensure that read more
How to Improve the Olympics
July 30, 2012 – 1:41 am
Below are my suggestions for dramatically improving the Summer Olympics, which primarily involve paintball guns, nudity, and kangaroos. 1. Create Competitive Paintballing Which would you rather watch: languid synchronized swimming, or national teams simulating open warfare in a big field with automatic weapons? Competitive paintball would be the ultimate Olympic sport, because most sports are read more
Don’t Eat the Sharks
July 26, 2012 – 2:08 am
I spent this evening hanging out with shark bite victims at a film screening for a program which will air on The Discovery Channel later this summer. Oddly enough, most people attacked by the grizzly bears of the ocean wind up becoming shark advocates and conservationists afterwards. This leads me to theorize that sharks actually read more
Tulsa Trek Expo 2012
July 24, 2012 – 9:29 am
Recently I had the pleasure of attending Trek Expo 2012 in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Such events are like plopping 2050 into 1956. The contrast is amazing, and the people are lovely. It may not suprise you to learn that this is not my first Sci Fi convention. I’ve been going since childhood and yes, I’ve read more
Bastille Day
July 16, 2012 – 11:27 pm
Saturday I celebrated Bastille Day by eating snails, sipping a glass of Pinot and sprinting away whenever I spotted a German. July 14th is Bastille Day, the feted national holiday of our friends and allies the French. Why they celebrate Bastille Day is actually something of a mystery to me. As you’ll recall from high read more
Pork Followup: Gourmet Velveeta Bacon Review
July 13, 2012 – 1:42 pm
Inspired by my recent palate adventures with Burger King’s bacon & fudge Sundae, I turn my attentions towards the culinary brilliance of Velveeta with bacon. Could this become a new foodie show? Yes. Yes it could. If this post made you laugh or think, kindly “like” MightyHeaton.com’s Facebook page:
Cuisine Review: BK’s Bacon Sundae
July 11, 2012 – 10:56 pm
Last night I tried Burger King’s new Bacon Sundae, which is exactly what is sounds like: several strips of frozen bacon plopped into some ice cream and topped with fudge. Here’s a video of my assessment. I only recommend you try this if you feel like your relationship with bacon has become stale and predictable, and read more
