Fire Marshall Elections

  Buck Schwartzmore is back in the saddle this week, doing the only thing he knows how to do: wage relentless, sleazy campaigns. Last week’s introductory sketch of the sociopathic congressman received great feedback, particularly from my Washington, DC friends. (I even got a nice write up in Roll Call.) This week the disgraced and defeated politician turns his energies towards read more »

Buck the Sociopathic Congressman

  Buck Schwartzmore is a representative whose singular drive in life is to win elections. Or more accurately, to beat opponents in elections. This compels him to seek out contests even when he doesn’t need to, or it’s clearly to his detriment. I imagine this man could artfully take any subject, ranging from lunch to read more »

Old People Tech Support

Chances are you have either at some point tried to get technical help over the phone from someone you had a difficult time understanding, or you’ve been drafted as a tech support specialist for an older family member who understands the concept of telegrams better than Twitter. If so, this parody sketch of a tech service company is for you. When I read more »

Beaker Time! (It’s Science, but with Evil Puppets)

  When I worked as a writer on The Independents I got to meet Bill Nye The Science Guy a few times, who’s a great fellow, and well-known star of an educational TV show in my childhood. I also met neuropharmacologist Dr. Carl Hart, who pointed out to me that heroin and morphine are pretty read more »

Drive-Through or Delivery?

  The fun thing about this sketch is that everyone at Burger King thought I was a complete lunatic by the time we called it a day. You can see the perplexed expressions of service workers towards the end of the clip–so far as they know a woman is screaming at the top of her lungs while read more »

Uberdunger: Cologne for Men!

  This week I’m introducing John Chuck, the spokesman for a fictitious line of products called “Uberdunger.” It’s a fun character to play because John Chuck is preemptively disappointed with, and angry at, whoever is watching him. Generally people trying to sell something aren’t filled with overwhelming contempt for their customers. But John Chuck can hardly stand you. Stay tuned for read more »

Frank Underwood Does Not Know how to Play Chess

  “House of Cards” is basically political pornography. I got into it (before it was cool), circa 2012. I’d finish a long day of working in Congress getting screamed at by elderly constituents, then head home to a nice whisky and an episode of the original BBC version. Shortly before leaving Washington, DC for New York read more »

Obi Wan & The Imperial Census

This video is not only hilarious, it features me with a CGI lightsaber (every video should, really, including ones I have nothing to do with, including foreign films) rocking a spot-on Obi Wan Kenobi impression. If you’re a Star Wars nerd like myself, you’ll find this parody funny. Because you too have probably asked yourself read more »

Libertarian Star Wars Parody

Reason TV recently invited me to collaborate on “Libertarian Star Wars,” a parody which fuses libertarian tropes, the antics of Rand Paul, and (my personal favorite) a tie-in to the PBS special “Free to Choose” by Milton Friedman with the blockbuster film epics of George Lucas. Meredith and Austin Bragg wrote it with me and read more »

Why, exactly, Lincoln Chafee?

From his meteoric presidential launch endorsing the metric system to his most recent TED Talks-style performance in the Democratic presidential debate, we follow Rhode Island’s answer to the question none of us asked, and the ultimate conclusion that this is a ruse for a different, colder office. Update: Since this post, Lincoln Chafee’s donors turned read more »

America Should Have a Queen

Queen Elizabeth II has become Britain’s longest-reigning monarch. I propose we get ourselves a queen, for some excellent reasons, and I’ve already got one in mind: Betty White. They’re both about the same age, they’re both respectable, but Betty White has given some really inappropriate Friars Club Roasts which I think would translate well to read more »

Dog and twin mayors in Minnesota

In Minnesota democracy is running amok, electing toddlers and dogs for mayor. Can they compete with full-grown adult mayors, like in Pennsylvania, where a former mayor is being charged for, among other things, using tax dollars on vampire kits? I suggest that, in general, ceremonial mayors who are cute/and or household pets may be a read more »

This Week in Beer: Lobsters, Bernie Sanders, and Yoga

A brewery is making its beer WITH LIVE LOBSTERS INSIDE, pinko craft brewers are cashing in on Bernie Sanders’ hipster appeal, a yoga pants maker is getting into the lager market, and a bear gets schnockered in a state park. All of these are great developments in the wonderful world of beer, except of course read more »

TRUMPDATE: Donald In the Lead

Despite having insulted the entire nation of Mexico, as well as John McCain’s war record, Donald Trump is presently leading the pack of Republican presidential hopefuls. Not only have I unearthed old footage of Donald Trump’s 1989 board game “Trump the Game,” I’ll also explain why he’s the lead GOP presidential contender, and what he’s read more »

Monkey News: The Banana Derby

In Illinois the Banana Derby (a time-honored event where monkeys ride dogs like horses) has been catching flak, with people claiming it’s immoral to turn monkeys into jockeys. But do we really want to live in a country where county fairs don’t include simian cowboys? I know I don’t. Also featured: a cameo from Whiplash the read more »

The first robot wedding, and a Robot Poetry Turing Test

Robots are getting married in Japan, and a top university is combining poetry with ye old Turing Test. So I’ll prove that good ‘ol human poetry is better, more soulful, and less fattening than robot poetry. Also featured: cameos from animatronic American presidents speaking from Disney World. &nbspAndrew Heaton is a writer and standup comedian read more »

State of the Week: A Monumental Fight

This week Oklahoma removed a Ten Commandments monument from the lawn of the state capitol. I’ve got nothing against Ten Commandment monuments, but I do have a problem with violating the separation of Church and State. Fortunately, in this instance, all sorts of hilarity ensued leading up to the removal, including a typo etched into read more »

Game of Loans: Greek Debt Crisis

Greece is having a debt crisis. Again. Europe has loaned it a lot of money, and now, astonishingly, wants them to figure out ways to pay them back. In this video I come up with several excellent fiscal solutions, such as cutting spending, or disguising their entire country as Belgium to thwart creditors. Why no read more »

EconPop: Castaway

  Castaway is the heart-warming story about a dedicated FedEx employee striving against all odds to ultimately deliver his packages and finish his assignment, even after getting marooned on an island for several years. It also features the brilliant Morgan Friedman as “Wilson the volleyball.” In this episode of EconPop we discuss: specialization. &nbspAndrew Heaton read more »

EconPop: The Shawshank Redemption

  This is one of the funniest episodes of EconPop, in my opinion, because of the frequent asides to my time in prison. But we also cover economics, too: specifically trade. Trade is good. Prison is bad. &nbspAndrew Heaton is a writer and standup comedian in New York City. If this post made you laugh read more »