Net Neutrality Nixed

People are freaking out now that the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) is beginning the repeal of Net Neutrality regulations, which give the government the right to regulate Internet Service Providers (ISPs). The main arguments in favor of Net Neutrality are really arguments guarding against hypotheticals: that ISPs could otherwise block and censor content (they never have) read more »

Freaky Friday Politics: Republicans And Democrats Keep Switching Positions

Democrats and Republicans are pivoting on issues faster than a bipolar swing dancer on a merry-go-round. Republicans are now big government protectionists who can make, let alone read, a solvent budget. Democrats support free trade (see: Hillary Clinton), states’ rights (see: legal weed) and local control (see: sanctuary cities). It’s like the two parties switched read more »

Why I’m Boycotting the White House Correspondents’ Dinner

It’s a good sign that I didn’t recognize anyone during the White House Correspondents’ Dinner broadcast until halfway through. In the previous eight years Hollywood celebrities parachuted into the nation’s capital to strut up a red carpet and mingle with various tuxedo-clad political barnacles. That kind of hobnobbing woefully gives hope to impressionable student council read more »

Why America Needs A Monarchy

We threw the baby out with the bathwater when we kicked the monarchy out of America, and we ought to bring it back. To be clear, I do not mean the sort of hereditary tyrants who rule North Korea, Saudi Arabia, or the New York Yankees. Rather, I’d like for us to get one of read more »

Gambling on March Madness

Go team! Score points! Here at Mostly Weekly, we know everything about sports matches, ball statistics, and what a Lebron James is. And no, we didn’t do theater in high school. Why do you ask? But did YOU know that it’s illegal to bet monie$ on an athletics match? The government thinks you’re too stupid and read more »

WTF is Daylight Savings?

What is Daylight Savings? Why do we have it? We shouldn’t! Maybe it’s all a conspiracy by the Sun Dial Lobby. And defended by that friend who’s always late to things. Many states are considering proposals to abolish daylight-savings time. So watch out… lazy vampires. I also wrote a more in-depth piece for Reason which is read more »

Government Birth Control

  Apparently ladies can’t get birth control without a doctor’s prescription (unless they pull a pharmacy heist, or make their own). This strikes me as a bizarre regulatory hurdle; as a guy, I can buy condoms at pharmacies or gas stations without incident when it’s time for my quarterly sex. Even some disreputable bars I visit pass them read more »

War of the Roses Improv

My long-time friend and accomplice Andrew Young and I created an improv team which performs alternate history based on a suggestion from the audience. Recently in New York we asked the audience for a prompt by requesting an event or person that people enjoyed studying in high school. Two people simultaneously shouted “War of the Roses!” I read more »

Protest Protests with Me!

2017 is the year protests surpassed brunch in popularity. In the latest episode of Mostly Weekly we shine a light of skepticism on these proliferating demonstrations. I think Donald Trump is basically a fascist P. T. Barnum. So I’m generally in agreement with the protests I read about; my issue isn’t with their contents or goals. Rather, read more »

Why Building a Wall is Beyond Stupid

I’m not proud of the fact that Donald Trump’s ridiculous protectionist rhetoric seems to irritate me more than anything else he does. Our new president contains multitudes of horrific policies, personal failings, and grammar shortcuts that a better person than me would overheat about first. Yet his moronic call for walls and tariffs hits a read more »

Rex Tillerson Ain’t So Bad

I’m glad everyone is staying vigilant about President Trump, who is basically as a fascist P. T. Barnum. But I encourage our liberal friends rejoining those of us in the opposition to be selective with their outrage. If you’ve tweeted your Trump-induced apoplexy sixty times before lunch, myself and the rest of the country will tune you read more »

What to Expect at the Inauguration

Americans today celebrated the inauguration in a variety of ways, from fireworks and flag waving, to suicide attempts, to my own preference of watching the swearing in ceremony while playing old Twilight Zone episodes in the background so Rod Serling could kinda narrate everything. On this week’s episode of Mostly Weekly we decided to tackle the many read more »

Making the Rockettes Perform at the Inauguration

On this episode of Mostly Weekly we tackle the issue of the Radio City Rockettes being forced to perform at Trump’s inauguration, despite the fact that several of them would rather get root canals from a squirrel. It’s an interesting turn of events for public outrage. Freeing the Rockettes from performing at the coronation of read more »

As Seen on C-SPAN

Friends, I’ve finally “made it,” because I’ve now performed standup comedy on national television. On C-SPAN. C-SPAN, as you’re no doubt aware, is the hilarious network which records congressional subcommittee hearings and sometimes discussions about books about dead people. It’s an absolute rocket launcher for humorists such as myself. Can any of us forget Louie read more »

My Trip to Costa Rica (As Expressed Through Glaring on Snapchat)

  Just after Christmas I visited Costa Rica, which is a terrific country everyone should visit, but not simultaneously. While there I tried out Snapchat for the first time, by alternately flirting with a young lady back in New York and also sending angry clips to my friend Nick Polowy. This is a collection of read more »

Riding Horses Above the Clouds

I’m not a trained equestrian by any stretch, but I did ride horses occasionally as a kid on my Uncle Dan’s farm, and even got a merit badge in horse riding as a Boy Scout. As an adult I have lost forty or so dollars betting on them in small increments at the Remington Race read more »

The Rainforest, And Other Water-Related Tirades

The thing about rainforests is: they are always raining. In retrospect Young and I probably should have packed raincoats or umbrellas or something, but how could we have possibly known that the Cloud Forest would be perpetually moist? There is no way we could have foreseen this. As it is, we’ve more or less been read more »

“La Vida Pura” and other Helpful Costa Rican Phrases

It’s helpful to learn a local catchphrase when you’re traveling. For example, tourists visiting Detroit should learn how to say “Just take the money! Don’t shoot!” before leaving the crumbling ruins of their hotel. I don’t know exactly where people yell “YOLO!” but apparently that’s a thing. Maybe in Boulder, Colorado while rock climbing? Or “YOLO!” might read more »

A Brief History of Costa Rica

So it looks like my ambitions of becoming a colonel in some gritty banana republic militia have been squashed. Because it turns out Costa Rica disbanded its army in 1948, making it one of the few nations on Earth to function–even thrive–without a military. That’s terrific for Ticos, but decimated one of my four vacation priorities before the plane even read more »

I’ve Got a New Book!

My next novel comes out this January 8th, and it combines my sense of humor, my folksy disposition, and also werewolves. You can pre-order a copy for your Kindle by clicking this link. If you live in New York, come out to my book launch at The People’s Improv Theater on January 12th at 7:00. read more »