Category Archives: Videos

Government Birth Control

  Apparently ladies can’t get birth control without a doctor’s prescription (unless they pull a pharmacy heist, or make their own). This strikes me as a bizarre regulatory hurdle; as a guy, I can buy condoms at pharmacies or gas stations without incident when it’s time for my quarterly sex. Even some disreputable bars I visit pass them read more »

Protest Protests with Me!

2017 is the year protests surpassed brunch in popularity. In the latest episode of Mostly Weekly we shine a light of skepticism on these proliferating demonstrations. I think Donald Trump is basically a fascist P. T. Barnum. So I’m generally in agreement with the protests I read about; my issue isn’t with their contents or goals. Rather, read more »

Why Building a Wall is Beyond Stupid

I’m not proud of the fact that Donald Trump’s ridiculous protectionist rhetoric seems to irritate me more than anything else he does. Our new president contains multitudes of horrific policies, personal failings, and grammar shortcuts that a better person than me would overheat about first. Yet his moronic call for walls and tariffs hits a read more »

Rex Tillerson Ain’t So Bad

I’m glad everyone is staying vigilant about President Trump, who is basically as a fascist P. T. Barnum. But I encourage our liberal friends rejoining those of us in the opposition to be selective with their outrage. If you’ve tweeted your Trump-induced apoplexy sixty times before lunch, myself and the rest of the country will tune you read more »

What to Expect at the Inauguration

Americans today celebrated the inauguration in a variety of ways, from fireworks and flag waving, to suicide attempts, to my own preference of watching the swearing in ceremony while playing old Twilight Zone episodes in the background so Rod Serling could kinda narrate everything. On this week’s episode of Mostly Weekly we decided to tackle the many read more »

Making the Rockettes Perform at the Inauguration

On this episode of Mostly Weekly we tackle the issue of the Radio City Rockettes being forced to perform at Trump’s inauguration, despite the fact that several of them would rather get root canals from a squirrel. It’s an interesting turn of events for public outrage. Freeing the Rockettes from performing at the coronation of read more »

As Seen on C-SPAN

Friends, I’ve finally “made it,” because I’ve now performed standup comedy on national television. On C-SPAN. C-SPAN, as you’re no doubt aware, is the hilarious network which records congressional subcommittee hearings and sometimes discussions about books about dead people. It’s an absolute rocket launcher for humorists such as myself. Can any of us forget Louie read more »

My Trip to Costa Rica (As Expressed Through Glaring on Snapchat)

  Just after Christmas I visited Costa Rica, which is a terrific country everyone should visit, but not simultaneously. While there I tried out Snapchat for the first time, by alternately flirting with a young lady back in New York and also sending angry clips to my friend Nick Polowy. This is a collection of read more »

Money News Around the World

Please tell the Pulitzer Prize committee to give me an award for doing an entire story not based on a Donald Trump tweet. Maybe a new category? In any case, the latest episode of Mostly Weekly explores money around the world, from Britain’s new vegan-friendly £5 note, to Venezuela where inflation is so rampant shopkeepers read more »

Fake Newsameggedon

One of the fun things about 2016 is that every week we get a fresh new Dire Threat to Civilization. In fact we could have made a pretty awesome wall calendar with a little foresight. This month, as folks in media struggle to figure out how we got everything so completely backwards in the 2016 election, we’ve sounded read more »

Globs of Optimism In Spite of the Election

Most of my liberal friends are still sitting Shiva for the ascent of Donald Trump and four years of rule from the new and improved Republican Reality Television Party. So I’d like to remind everyone that the 2016 Electionmageddan also had some terrific silver linings. In the latest Mostly Weekly we cover a few of read more »

The President Doesn’t Matter As Much As You Think

Worried about Trumpocalypse? Stop stockpiling your IUDs and investing in Spiked Bats! The truth is–the President can’t actually do as much as you probably think. And don’t worry- Congress is probably more inefficient than it is racist. Sooooo, yayyy!?  He can’t shuffle dissidents into FEMA camps or force us to read Twilight. He can’t declare read more »

First Reactions to the Trump Victory

It’s been over a week and Donald Trump still hasn’t admitted his campaign was a prank, so I think we have to accept this as reality. Like most cosmopolitan media elites and members of the Illuminati, I got this election completely wrong. How wrong? I bought stock in Smith & Wesson in preparation for a Clinton administration read more »

Astronauts Have Fears of Commitment Too

Have you ever wondered if I could combine my own innate fear of emotional intimacy and commitment with zero-g weightlessness and strict NASA professionalism? Well check out this video! Special thanks to Andrew Young, who not only directed it, but also added the incredible special effects. &nbspAndrew Heaton is a writer and standup comedian in read more »

What the Hell is the Electoral College?

We are now about three years into the 2016 election and we’re down to the wire. Next week America selects its next president. So you’re about to hear a lot about the Electoral College. That’s why we’ve made a video explaining what the Electoral College is, and also, why it’s terrible and should be replaced. My read more »

Conscripted Candidates: An Update from Scandinavia

Take a break from this Dumpster Fire of an election! From the region of the world that brought you Bjork, Nobel Prices, and Neutrality, comes a new phenomenon: forced political service. A town in Norway elected a heavy metal rocker to city council… against his will. Nor-frickin-way. Iceland elected a comedian as Mayor. And I read more »

Meanwhile, in Florida

I respect that, mere weeks after a devastating hurricane, Florida can steel its will and double down on crazy news stories. In this week’s installment of Mostly Weekly, we learn about the intersection of politics, graffiti and crabs, as well as an aspiring tale of a man trying to walk to Bermuda, plus a feel-good read more »

The IDK Candidate and Aleppogate

  In the latest installment of Mostly Weekly we explore libertarian candidate Gary Johnson’s geography gaffe, wherein the governor didn’t know what “Aleppo” was. (I personally thought that a “leppo” was one of those buzzy things you get at a restaurant to let you know your table is ready, but apparently it’s a city in Syria.) Then, read more »

Why American Trains Are So Slow

  I love trains and I think most folks do as well, so I was surprised to learn that we have slower and more expensive trains than we did in the 1930’s. Mobile phones used to be large gray bricks, but now I can fit six or seven of them in my pocket as I leave the gym every read more »

None of the Above Option

I use Lovecraftian monsters and a dead gorilla in this episode of Mostly Weekly to illustrate why every ballot in America should have “None of the Above” listed as a candidate. We didn’t have time to include the last Staten Island congressional election in the video, although it’s a perfect example of when a None Of The Above option would have read more »