Category Archives: Politics

Political Satire ostensibly in the vein of P. J. O’Rourke.

TRUMPDATE: Donald In the Lead

Despite having insulted the entire nation of Mexico, as well as John McCain’s war record, Donald Trump is presently leading the pack of Republican presidential hopefuls. Not only have I unearthed old footage of Donald Trump’s 1989 board game “Trump the Game,” I’ll also explain why he’s the lead GOP presidential contender, and what he’s read more »

Boston’s Stupid Government

The first thing you should know about Boston is that its State House, the capital of the entire state of Massachusetts, contains a thing called “the Sacred Cod.” The Sacred Cod is a large fish suspended within its House of Representatives, which is legally or at least traditionally necessary in order for their House to read more »

Laughter is Better Than Communism

My book of political satire and cartoons is now available in ebook form, so you should download it to correct all of the half-baked propaganda you absorbed in college. I originally launched my collection of essays and cartoons in July, to uproarious laughter and critical delight. But several readers emailed me asking about an ebook read more »

The Unseen Value of Rob Ford

Rob Ford, crack-smoking mayor of Toronto, is catching a lot of heat for his continued boozing, drug use, and sexual harassment. So much so that Americans are actually paying attention to Canadian news for the first time in our nation’s history. Even Canadians are! This is truly astounding, because as a rule Canadian politicians are so read more »

Caroline Kennedy and American Lordships

If you’ve always wanted to be a lord, but weren’t born into the aristocratic English family, you should seriously consider becoming an ambassador. Don’t worry, they only stick qualified diplomats in the truly dangerous countries which require split second decisions. Most ambassadors attend cocktail parties in swanky cities. Caroline Kennedy just joined their ranks. The read more »

In Praise of Piecemeal Budgeting: How the Government Shutdown Could Do Some Good (The Freeman)

On Tuesday I had to explain to several jubilant European friends of mine that the United States had not, in fact, called it quits and reverted to the status of a British protectorate. Neither were we calling it quits and capitulating to Fidel Castro. (Americans did not suffer from this misconception—most were too busy discussing read more »

“Matt Damon vs. The Space Republicans”: A Review of Elysium

It’s rare to encounter a film where the prospects of irradiated cyborgs battling in space better comports with reality than the director’s grasp of economics. That’s what writer and director Neill Blomkamp has achieved, however, with Elysium, which explores interesting social and political themes that mostly involve Matt Damon fighting straw-man Republicans in space. It’s like read more »

Dan Boren: Outgoing Congressman Lets Loose

[youtube width="600px" height="400px"]Bc6haZ_Kd1I[/youtube]   My exclusive with Congressman Dan Boren is by far the most fun interview I’ve ever conducted. Running rampant through the halls of Congress with an outgoing member? Pranking Dennis Kucinich? Awesome. The congressman, in a display of unrivaled glory, did five things he’s always wanted to do before leaving Congress. I read more »

Offshoring, Nonsense & Robots

Excepting this “recession” I keep hearing about, if you asked the average American “where have all the jobs gone?” they would likely say “China.” There’s also a high probability that they would further denounce those damned top hat-wearing plutocrats who shipped our jobs overseas, and the complicit politicians who permit said evil. We need to read more »

I Don’t Blame Congress, I Blame YOU

One of the interesting things about living in a democracy is that we actually get what we deserve. That’s the basic premise behind democracies. Yet if you speak with an average American voter, they talk as if a bunch of lawyers snuck into Congress one day and we need to hire exterminators to come in read more »

Review: White House Correspondents Dinner

[youtube width="600px" height="400px"]Qpt_aRcJbz8[/youtube]   Maybe next year the White House will be kind enough to invite me to their hoity-toity dinner instead of forcing me to make a review on YouTube. &nbspAndrew Heaton is a writer and standup comedian in New York City. If this post made you laugh or think, kindly “like” it on read more »

Congressional Districting as Rorschach Tests

As of last week 80.2% of America disapproved of Congress. To put that in perspective, if America had an up-or-down vote on whether or not to disband Congress in favor of relegating decisions to a Magic 8-Ball, representatives would spend the next year arguing about who gets the position of National 8-Ball Shaker. Yet we read more »

Grover Norquist Interview

[youtube width="600px" height="400px"]cwSFOmG-VLM[/youtube]   Say what you will about Grover Norquist, the mega lobbyist was incredibly accommodating in his Cloture Club exclusive. Not only did he play along with my jokes, he also taught me how to juggle. This was a fun interview. We’ve got a couple lined up in the near future, and I’m looking forward read more »

How High School Student Councils Hurt Democracy

Despite their intent to educate youth about government, high school student councils train students to trivialize the entire democratic process. I know that many of my readers are Type A personalities who valiantly served their country by holding office for an entire year as Sophomore Class Treasurer. I fall into that category myself. My problem read more »

Robots, Scud Missiles & Free Trade

A friend and I recently got into an argument about whether or not we should reduce tariffs, as happened a few months back with South Korea. My logic was, “Sure, free trade benefits everybody, and the more investments and markets a foreign nation has over here, the less likely they are to encourage people to read more »

Do Lesbians Cause Tornadoes?

My state’s constitution seems to contain a provision requiring that once every two years we must pass a bill which dazzles the entire country in its glittering, bejeweled stupidity. Not all of them are bad. I rather like the absurd ones. For instance, it is illegal to go whale hunting in Oklahoma. That law is read more »

Rick Perry: Candidate & Singing Cowboy! BEHOLD: Heaton & Young’s musical tribute to Rick Perry’s ill-fated bid for the American presidency. If you enjoy Broadway Musicals and witnessed any single candidate debate involving Rick Perry discussing anything whatsoever, then you will find this hilarious. Enjoy! Musical Tribute to the Rick Perry Campaign All Vocals Performed by Andrew Heaton & Andrew Young read more »

How Federal Regulation Screws Over Small Businesses: A Story of Cupcakes

I don’t like getting pushed around by anybody: the government, corporations, or fat people on buses. Probably you feel the same way. It’s understandable then, that when a large corporation does something exquisitely evil or recklessly stupid, you may feel inclined to try and regulate the problem away with the help of the federal government. read more »

Jack Abramoff Interview

Jack Abramoff was the original “super lobbyist.” If you don’t immediately recall him or his associated corruption scandal, you nonetheless probably accepted trashcans full of money from the guy in the late 1990′s. We all did. I was on our middle school’s Student Council, and I accepted over $28,000 in campaign contributions from him and read more »

Happy Thanksgiving & Corn Subsidies

Here is a three-minute animated cartoon I made last night about the first Thanksgiving, which somehow devolved into a lengthy critique of corn subsidies and Puritan theology. You can watch this today as you drift off into a delightful stupor of wine and tryptophan, the middle class equivalent of a free Valium prescription. Happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy! [youtube read more »