The President Doesn’t Matter As Much As You Think

Worried about Trumpocalypse? Stop stockpiling your IUDs and investing in Spiked Bats! The truth is–the President can’t actually do as much as you probably think. And don’t worry- Congress is probably more inefficient than it is racist. Sooooo, yayyy!? 

He can’t shuffle dissidents into FEMA camps or force us to read Twilight. He can’t declare gay marriages null-and-void, nor can abolish dog breeds or rename Iowa into “The Cornland Free State.” There’s a whole lot of damage he can do, so we ought to save up our ire and horror for that stuff rather than the Orwellian fever dream Michael Moore tweeted out in the wee hours of Election Day.

Andrew Heaton is a writer and standup comedian in New York City. If this post made you laugh or think, kindly "like" it on Facebook.