My opinion on genders is that both of them are pretty stupid. If aliens came down to Earth, I would probably stress how little I have to do with either of humanity’s genders and try to secure myself some sort of position as a house pet.
Thus I do not feel any major kinship with men by virtue of the fact that they have similar (but smaller) genitals to myself. If I were assembling a guitar band or crack team of ninjas or whathaveyou, “ability to pee standing up” ranks pretty low on my list. I choose friends based on utility rather than gender. What can this person do for ME? What can they provide ME? This is how rational people think.
However many men assume that all women are crazy, when in reality it turns out that most of our species is crazy, but it just so happens that statistically about half are women. Allow me to explore one or two of the reasons why men often write off women as unbalanced.
One major aspect of misogyny comes from a lurking double standard. If a man acts psychopathic, men around him think, “Gee, Bob is nuts.” Whereas if a woman acts like a lunatic, guys think, “All women are nuts.”
To put this in perspective, Ted Kazinsky is in the male mind “an outlier.” Whereas a single hysterical woman in line at the grocery store might very well become an unwitting vaginal ambassador to the men around her.
Another tendency is that of microcosm and macrocosm when it comes to assessing craziness. For men it’s a lot easier to spot insanity on a person-by-person level. But we’re clearly awful at it when it comes to eyeballing delirium en masse.
For instance, we are utterly baffled by the fact that we can agree to leave the house for dinner at 6:00, and the girlfriend will still be assembling war paint and coordinating which stilettos best match her Kindle at 6:28. This breach of punctuality strikes us as clear evidence of a mental disorder.
YET. Men see no logical problem whatsoever with organizing thousands upon thousands of men to go across oceans and shoot other guys in the head over things like who controls Belgium or fossilized dinosaur juice. We don’t event question it. Think about the billions of dollars we hobble together just to blow shit up.
The sheer absurdity of this waste is lost on men all across the planet, with the possible exception of Dennis Kucinich. Male insanity is insanity writ large. Put two hundred dudes in a room and we will concoct the most senseless plan imaginable, replete with tanks, flamethrowers and attempts to play golf on the moon.
My opinion overall is that men and women are both usually dumb and you should assess them individually. That’s how I plan to get my gig as a house pet when the aliens come.
Good luck in the salt mines.
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Andrew Heaton is a writer and standup comedian in New York City. If this post made you laugh or think, kindly "like" it on Facebook.