I’ve known you since third grade you asshole! I got your mom drunk and she said you’re hiding in Oklahoma. WTF, man? What kind of bullshit friend are you that I have to liquor up Debbie to figure out why you haven’t returned my calls? I guess your real “friends” are the federal investigators who sent you to a red state. Good luck with those guys. Good luck with everything, SAUL F. HEINRICH.
I hope the mob doesn’t realize you’re in Midwest City.
Andrew Heaton is a writer and standup comedian in New York City. If this post made you laugh or think, kindly "like" it on Facebook.